The jokes
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
What did the chicken say after he died? Nothing.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could suck Jill’s candy.
Jack got a shock because Jill’s real name was Randy.
Your momma so fat when she jumped the world collapsed.
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.
This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
Why do kids like bananas?
'Cause they like doing the nana.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.
He was the best pilot in Arab.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.
The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.