The jokes
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Why did the student cannibal rush to the cafeteria?
He wanted to eat ahead of the others.
Q: Why did the orphan buy an iPhone X?
A: Because it has no home button.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."