The jokes
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
What’s the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's parents?
One of the two actually came back.😂
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
What did one orphan say to the other?
"GET IN THE BATMOBILE, ROBIN!"
Why did the orphan drop the soap in prison? So he can have a prison daddy.
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"