The jokes
Why do orphans always have water in their cereal? Because the dad never came back with the milk.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
Why are orphans so scared of the dark?
The dad can't check the closet for them.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Why did the baker's hands smell of shit?
He kneaded a turd.
Why did the student cannibal rush to the cafeteria?
He wanted to eat ahead of the others.
Q: Why did the orphan buy an iPhone X?
A: Because it has no home button.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.