The jokes
What's the difference between you and an orphan?
Nothing.
What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?
I wanna kick some balls!
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.
School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the color of 911?
Plane.
What is the fastest way to see 911?
Plane.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.
Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his brother in the woods?
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?
The worst shits you'll ever see!
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.