The jokes
One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.
Why does the queen move more than a king on the chessboard?
Because it looks like a kitchen floor.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they want to feel wanted.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Why can't orphans use a phone?
Because they can't find the home button.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
I'm making a website for orphans. [I] won't add the home page.