The jokes
What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain finished the races.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
Why did the rapper become a tailor?
Because they wanted to drop some fresh THREADS.
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To make some MONEY MOVES.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get their FILLINGS fixed.
Why did the rapper take the bus to the studio?
Because their car ran out of RHYME.
Fight in the comments.
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
What did the tree do when the bank closed?
It started its own branch.
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
The types you can have.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Two terrorists walk into a bar.
The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."
The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"
Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."