The jokes

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?

Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?

The cabbage patch.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

What is the best joke of all time?

Feminism.

What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?

In a dog pound, people actually want them.

How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?

She lost her taste.

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.

A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

Why did the Jew get an electric car?

Because he was afraid of the gas.

If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.

After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.

It's in my basement.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”