Swine

Swine Jokes

Two Italian men get on a bus...

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

"Who talkin' abouta sexa?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? -- For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town's cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: "You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I'll let you live. If you don't, I'll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the loot is, I'll shoot him here and now." Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: "He said, 'You don't have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.'"

lol 1 week anniversary of me being on Worst Jokes Ever...

J0K35: *LETS START A JOKING KEGGAR*

A Joking keggar is where i get you drunk with some jokes, only on a special occasion.

Ok, yall ready to get drunk with raging jokes? OK LETS GOOOOo

What do you call an LGBTQ+ disc jockey?

A DG (dee gay)

What does lava use when it can't walk properly?

A volCANEo

What do crackheads do when a black man got brutalitized?

They start a HIGHot (say it like hiot _riot_)

What is Satan's favorite DJ?

MarshHELLo

What do neck breakers use?

Snapchat

What did Twitter and Reddit eat with chocolate and marshmellows?

Instagraham crackers

Is this the last joke?

No

What is similar between a dog and my ex?

They are both commonly known as bitches

What number has a flu from a pig?

Nine flu (swine flu)

What did the loaf say when he was playing hide and seek?

BREADY OR NOT? HERE I GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Who is the best anime girl?

Well its pretty obvious 02 is on the second rank

Why did Sally get caned?

Because old men hurriCANED.

That was all

OR WAS IT?

Yes, it was (Come back on Halloween for another Joking Keggar)