Back

SOS jokes

So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

  • 6

    • Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

    My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.

    So all his friends came in one car.

    Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

    Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

    Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

    I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

    There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

    At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

  • 8

    • Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”

    Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”

    Son: “So your friend is gay?”

    Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»

    Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”

    Father loudly: “YES!!!”

    Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”

    Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»

    Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”

    *A few hours later*

    Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”

    Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”

    Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”

    The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».

    *The End* :D

  • 1

    • So my brother said we should start a band, and I said I already had a band. So I gave him my band and he said he was talking about music, and I said, "Well, I do have a trum-bone ;)"

    At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

    Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

    Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

    Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

  • 1

    • Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

    What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?

    Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

  • 2

    • My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

  • 0