SOS jokes
A man walks into a bar "Why am I so bad at Limbo?"
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
Ugh, I hate anons, they're so anonnoying.
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
Yo mama so dumb, when the bartender said "beer is on the house" she grabbed a ladder.
Daveon is so straight, he thinks a straight line is the shortest distance between two points and nothing else.
Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling
Why was the rapper always so confident?
Because he had a lot of rhyme and reason!
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
Yo mama is so dumb, she spent all her money on free subscriptions!
Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"