So jokes

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.

Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.

That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )

Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!

You're so bald, the reflection off your head is blinding people in India.

You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."

You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.

You're so bald, the Hair Club for Men has elected you president.

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

You're so bald, I rub your head to see into the future.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like roll-on deodorant!

You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.

Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.

Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

Why is Jenna Marbles so funny? She lost all her marbles.

Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.

You're so bent and ugly that you'd make Elton John go straight!

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.