Probation jokes

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...

My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.