Philosopher jokes
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?
"To bee or not to bee."
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
Steven Hawking
Stephen Hawking was a bit of a hardcase. He didn't let people push him around.
Get confused with Confucius!
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
