Per Diem jokes

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.