Per Diem jokes
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
