Outing Jokes

I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".

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My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

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so, a few hours ago my friend said i need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes...like...it's really not that deep?

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

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Why did the farmer name his pig ink? Because he kept on running out of the pen.

Son:DAD DAD OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!

Dad:WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OK?!

SOn:MIA ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE ON FEBRUARY 30th

Dad:Cas theres no february 30th?

say this out loud: alpha Kenny one

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

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when Stephen Hawking found out about physics he was speechless.

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3 blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke , each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer. So the angel begins telling them the joke, one of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laugjhs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said ''this is the last step if you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass. The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, ''What do you ca..'' out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. ''Why are you laughing I haven't even finished the joke yet''? The blonde replies '' I just got the first joke''.