Outing jokes
Yo mama so fat, when I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.
Memes
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one on the bottom is alive. And what's worst than that is, the baby has to eat its way out.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?
Yo mama is so ugly, when she took a bath, the water jumped out.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.