What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Nothing, because numbers don’t have consciences.
These are all of my terrible jokes.
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"
Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"
I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"
A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."
A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.
A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.
I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.
A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.
Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.
Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.
Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.
There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
Joke.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What's the difference between Cain Dashiell and Down syndrome?
Nothing.
Deutsch: Die, die nichts zu sagen haben, reden viel. Die, die was zu sagen haben, hingegen kaum.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
What do skeletons hate the most about wind?
Nothing, it goes right through them.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What did the homeless person get for Christmas?
- Nothing.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
