Nothing jokes

Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."

Friends: comments give reason.

Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."

Day later:

Mom: Let me see your TikTok.

Me: Shows her the video.

Mom: calls suicide.

JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.

What did Michael Jackson say?

Nothing, he's dead.

What is the difference between a cow and me?

Nothing.

What does an orphan do on school parents' day? Nothing.

What is green and looks like a school bus?

A school bus.

What did the bird say to the other bird?

Nothing, because birds can't talk.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

Me scrolling through jokes that sum up my life, starts crying.

My friend: What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing, it's just so funny. Lol😂🤣😂

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?

Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

What does an orphan call home?

Nothing. 🤣

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

Did you?

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.

Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!

Wife: Hi babe. Husband: Hey. Wife: Do you wanna? Husband: YES! Wife: Ok, make sure you have a towel to go to the beach. Husband: WHAT? You mean go to the beach? Wife: Yes, what did you think I meant? Husband: Oh, nothing, bye. Wife: Bye, see you there.