Mistaken jokes

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

Your head was mistaken for a chicken wing.

I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

I used to think 11/11 was mistakenly 9/11.

You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.

When you look exactly like your dead cousin and everybody thinks she faked her death.

FUCKING MENT

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.

FUCKING MENT

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

A girl had black hair. Also, I threw rubbish at her to realize she wasn't a bin.

You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I was given my electronics test today. Turns out it was given to me 'cause I have the same name as someone who got 54/59. I actually got my hopes up, too.

Your forehead is so big, explorers mistakenly thought it was Mount Everest.

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!