Microscope jokes

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

I am glass! People see right through me.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.