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Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

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This

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Account

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The first part shows a tweet from the National Park Service stating: "You know it's cold outside when you go outside and it's cold." Below that is a reply from heychrisjones stating "Who is running this account?" The second part shows a reply from the National Park Service that contains an image. The image shows a marmot wearing a headset and sitting at a computer in an office setting.

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Pronoun

Bluntlord · 2 years ago

2024

The image shows a split view of the same person. On the left, they have shorter hair, makeup and wear a green t-shirt, with the text "What are your Pronouns?" written in yellow. On the right, they are shirtless with facial hair, and text in purple that says "I'm a She/Them Titties".

Salad

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A meme featuring a waitress in an Olive Garden restaurant, who asks: "Would you like to start out with our unlimited salad and breadsticks this evening?" Ben Shapiro appears to the right with the text: "that is literally impossible."

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Account

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A screenshot of a thermostat displaying an error message that reads "Account Terminated. Your behaviour has violated the OJ Family Code of Conduct. Reason: Leaking United States classified documents. This thermostat has been locked." The time on the screen is "Fri 1:30 PM" and the temperature is "-964°C". The text "they done banned me from the thermostat" is overlayed at the bottom.

Tip

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A vintage style illustration with the text "WITCHCRAFT TIPS. HOW TO PERFORM: Curse of breaking every bone in someone's body. TO DO THIS SPELL YOU WILL NEED: car." To the right is a cartoon witch holding a green book, and a small black car is shown flying through the air above her head.

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Quiz

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A quiz titled "Quiz - Do I Have Autism" asking the user to "Take this 2 minute quiz and find out if you have the most common signs." above an arrow pointing right.

N word

Wade XL · 2 years ago

The image shows a screenshot with text at the top and a man with a shocked expression at the bottom. The text reads: "technically you can call a black guy the n word and I came up with this theory and it's called NROENB it's stands for NO Rasicts Or Equality Not Both. So my theory is that if black ppl call each other the n word then because they want Equality it means that Whites can call Blacks the n word Whites can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Blacks the n word. And Asians are somewhere in the middle."

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Pornhub

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a screenshot from Pornhub with a 'Flag This Video' dialog box open. The options are listed as 'Inappropriate content', 'Underage', 'Video does not play', 'Spam or misleading', and 'Other'. The 'Other' option is selected and the text box for the reason says 'Nudity and Sexual content'. Underneath this, there are three wolves, with two looking nonchalant labeled as "Pornhub employees", and one looking excited, labeled "Me".

Petition

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A screenshot of a Change.org petition page with the title "Make Shrek the National Bird". The page shows a picture of Shrek with a U.S. flag background. The petition has 161,843 signatures out of a goal of 200,000, and it was started April 28, 2017 and addressed to President Donald J. Trump and 2 others.

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Dog

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a golden retriever. The first image is a full body picture. The second image is a close-up view of the dog's eyes and snout. The text reads: "This boi can smell people who are beautiful and deserve love."

Boy

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a door handle with a string tied to it. The other end of the string is attached to a hand grenade.

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Trading Card

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image contains five Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards. Four of them are labeled 'Right Arm of the Forbidden One', 'Left Arm of the Forbidden One', 'Right Leg of the Forbidden One', and 'Left Leg of the Forbidden One' respectively. They feature golden limbs of a figure in chains. The fifth card in the center is labeled 'Nick Vujcic' and shows a picture of a man with no limbs.

Aunt

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A comic strip with four panels. In the first panel, a woman with short brown hair is talking to an old woman with white hair. A young boy is standing beside them. In the second panel, the old woman is saying something to the boy. In the third panel, the boy points while talking to the old woman. In the last panel, the old woman is crying and the boy is playing basketball.

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Daughter

H3LL0_K1TTY · 2 years ago

I want him to make me look like this 😔

The image shows a meme with text overlaid on a picture of a man with white liquid dripping down his face and chest. The text reads: "Netflix: are you still watching? Somebody's daughter:"

Move

NIFFTY · 2 years ago

REMEMBER THIS MOVE

A cartoon character with yellow fur, a blue tuft of hair, and big eyes is captured with a terrified open-mouth expression, seemingly in mid-move.

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Pokemon card

Wade · 2 years ago

A Pokemon card featuring a plush shark toy labeled "May" as a basic Pokemon with 30 HP. The card includes attacks named "Suicidal Karen" and "Victimize," and the text reads, "If you come across this Pokémon in the wild, RUN. Run away immediately, kill it if you can, but fuckin RUN."

Compliment

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

This is so bad

A screenshot of two tweets. The first tweet is from Caitlyn Jenner, it reads "It's so hard to find a straight man that is confident enough to compliment me on my looks.". The second tweet is a reply from Donald J. Trump, and it reads "Nice balls."

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Watt

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a two panel meme. The top panel shows a screenshot from a game show, where a male contestant is looking at the camera, a lifeline bar chart appears on the screen above a question with four answers. The question reads: "Equal to roughly 746 watts, what animal-based unit is used to measure the rate at which work is done?" The four answers are: "A: Horsepower", "B: Donkeystrength", "C: Llamathrust", and "D: Zebraforce". The bottom panel shows a man in a suit slapping the roof of a car while speaking to another man. The caption below the car states, "This baby has the thrust of 340 llamas under the hood".

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