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They

26 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Floor

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

Account

6 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A screenshot of a thermostat displaying an error message that reads "Account Terminated. Your behaviour has violated the OJ Family Code of Conduct. Reason: Leaking United States classified documents. This thermostat has been locked." The time on the screen is "Fri 1:30 PM" and the temperature is "-964°C". The text "they done banned me from the thermostat" is overlayed at the bottom.

Corner

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a text list titled 'Top 10 Things To Do In An Elevator'. The list provides humorous and absurd actions to perform inside an elevator.

N word

23 views · Wade XL · 2 years ago

The image shows a screenshot with text at the top and a man with a shocked expression at the bottom. The text reads: "technically you can call a black guy the n word and I came up with this theory and it's called NROENB it's stands for NO Rasicts Or Equality Not Both. So my theory is that if black ppl call each other the n word then because they want Equality it means that Whites can call Blacks the n word Whites can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Whites the n word Blacks can call Blacks the n word. And Asians are somewhere in the middle."

Corner

18 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A list of ten things to do in an elevator. The text reads: Top 10 Things To Do In An Elevator. 1. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 2. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?" 3. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" 4. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking. 5. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on". 6. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly. 7. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. 8. Dress up as the devil and then ask other people as they get in, "Going down?" 9. Drag a desk into the elevator. Ask "Do you have an appointment?" 10. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

Introvert

1 view · trixiedixie🥰 · 2 years ago

Three animated figures with dark hair and wearing matching dark jackets stand in front of a light gray background. The text above them reads, "Introverts when they finally go outside". Below them are two speech bubbles with the text, "Oh!" and "It's soil!"

Corpse

53 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a two-panel meme. The first panel shows a man working on a waterbed with the text "LIFE HACK: If you fuck a corpse on a waterbed, it feels like they are participating. You're welcome." The second panel shows a close-up of Gordon Ramsay looking disgusted.

Pig

41 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a babirusa on the left and a babirusa skull on the right. Below the images is the text: "THE BABIRUSA IS A WILD PIG WHOSE TUSKS CAN GROW SO LONG THEY CURVE BACKWARDS ULTIMATELY IMPALING THEIR SKULLS AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING THEM UNLIKE JEFFREY EPSTEIN WHO WAS KILLED ON PURPOSE". The text @yup.that.exists is in the upper right of the picture.

Goat

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A black and white drawing of a man with glasses and a slightly open mouth with a speech bubble. The text above the image states: "Oat milk is made by milking goats and then putting the milk through a fine filter to extract all the 'G's. I heard thats where they get the 'G's for cell phone service."

Hell

24 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A close-up photo of a deodorant can with the text "WHAT THE HELL" above the can and "WERE THEY THINKING" below the instruction. The instruction says "SHAKE WELL" and there is an illustration of a hand shaking a can. There is also a "Deodorant directions" label.

Friend

37 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A snowflake image on a dark blue background with the text: "Friends are like snowflakes. When you pee on them, they disappear."

Bruh

4 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows two panels. The top panel displays a line graph with the title "Use over time for: bruh" and shows how the usage of the word "bruh" has changed over time from 1800 to 2010, peaking around 1850 and 2010. The bottom panel shows a painting of soldiers from 1847. One soldier on a horse says "Sir they breached our defenses" and another replies "Bruh".

Repost

1 view · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows the text "When someone reposts a meme so bad that you can literally see the account they reposted it from at the top." Below, there's a close-up of Kermit the Frog looking upward with a slightly annoyed or exasperated expression.

Dinosaur

2 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

An image of a dinosaur with the text "When you grow up, people stop asking you what your favorite dinosaur is. They don't even care."

Hearing

12 views · αmy · 2 years ago

those apple headphone warnings do NOTHING

A cartoon image of a character with a wide, slightly unnerved smile, looking upward. The text at the top reads: "Me after saying 'what' for the 3rd time & still not hearing what they said." At the bottom right corner, the source is stated: boredpanda.com

Load

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A four-panel cartoon. The first panel shows a car driving on a bridge with a "LOAD LIMIT 10 TONS" sign. In the second panel, the father and child are in a car, the child asks "HOW DO THEY KNOW THE LOAD LIMIT ON BRIDGES, DAD?" The third panel shows the father thinking about a matrix equation and the structural load analysis of a bridge. In the fourth panel, the father, now looking dumbfounded, says: "OH. I SHOULD'VE GUESSED."

Social medium

3 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows three panels. The top panel shows three aliens with the text "Do you think humans have caught up to us yet?" on the left and "I don't know, let's take a look at their social media" on the right. The middle panel is a distorted image of a frog with a red glow and the text "When it's soup time". The bottom panel shows the same three aliens, with the text "It turns out, they have surpassed us".

Cop

25 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

An image of a muscular saber-toothed cat saying: "Go ahead, call the cops. They cannot unshit your grandma's cremation urn."

Coke

21 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A screengrab of a show titled "PAW Patrol" with a description that reads: "Watch Season 3 Now. First they got the coke. Then they got the money. Now the Colombian cartels want the power. Let the drug wars begin."

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