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Scientist

4 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A man with dark hair wearing a red shirt with a human evolution print, brown pants and dress shoes poses holding a red laptop in his left arm, with his right arm raised and smiling mischievously. The text above the image reads "The mad scientist in his secret laboratory getting ready to press the button that makes a random person in the world shout 'where there's rain, there's bound to be mud!' And then proceed to projectile shit all over the place".

Somebody

12 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A cartoonish bird with an angry expression and a burning fuse above its head is below the text "It's all shits and giggles until somebody giggles and shits."

Prison

83 views · Toast ツ · 2 years ago

The image contains two posts from the anonymous image board 4chan. The first post is by someone who was released from prison after serving four years for a bank robbery, though they pled down to aggravated assault. They now wonder what to do for work besides drive a truck. The second post replies with a plan to start a youtube channel to critique bank robberies in video games, and eventually talk about prison life to get 350k subscribers and make more money than most people.

Kind

53 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A Capri Sun drink pouch with the text "Damn this shit kinda hydrating." "I NEED her bouncing and moaning on it." and "The Federal Government must fall."

Shit

46 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

1) buy a lobster
[deleted] by
My friend is in forensics and works on crime
scenes. They find a woman laying on the
bathroom floor with a head wound and live
baby shrimp on the floor with a smell of burnt
residue. After 3 days of investigation, they
figured out what happened.
Long story short, she bought a lobster from
the market. In the market, they feed the
lobster live baby shrimp until they're sold. This
woman brings the lobster home, inserts the
lobster's tail into her vagina, lights a lighter
and puts the flame towards the lobster's head,
so the lobster will frantically start shaking his
tail (which is inside her vagina), giving her the
jollies. Apparently she killed the lobster from
burning his head too long, the lobster, being
dead, voids his bowels, causing this lobster to
shit live baby shrimp into her vagina. This
woman then goes to pee and sees live baby
shrimp crawling out of her vagina, she freaks
out, falls, and cracks her head open on the
bathtub and dies.
it happened in Chicago in 2001
?
---
14
1) wait for horny
Chicago 2001
"Lobster Love" Incident

Valentine

3 views · Silly Sonka · 2 years ago

lol is sucks

A red background with two red hearts. On top, it says: FUCK SHIT THE HOLIDAY. On the bottom it says: VALENTINES.

Generational difference

248 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image displays a text that says "Boomer ladies: Hahah minion memes. Millennial girls: oh no, Donald Trump racist. 14 y.o girls:". Below there is an image of a girl with superimposed text that reads "SHE SHITS HERSELF".

Girl

95 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a definition of "dirty chewbacca" and below a cartoon of Skeletor, saying, "Even I'm not into that shit." The text above says: "When a girl is deepthroating you, you pinch her nipples right as you cum. Her scream paired with the warm liquid and dick in her throat will produce a sound similar to chewbacca's growl."

End

36 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a text written on a wall or stall. The text reads: "I once took a shit in this stall, so thick and so firm it stood tall, it balanced on end that shit did not bend but fell over and scraped my left ball."

Veteran

4 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

Idol

69 views · Anonymous · 2 years ago

YAYYYY

The image shows a list of quotes from different people arguing about whose idol is stronger, starting with "My Idol likely could beat urs in a fight", which leads to a discussion on if Godzilla or Jesus would win.

Tentacle

12 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a series of three tweets from Donald J. Trump's Twitter account @realDonaldTrump. The first tweet says, 'loli tentacle hentai.' The second is a reply to the first tweet and reads, 'shit this isn't google.' The third tweet, also a reply, says, 'if any of you fucks screenshot this imma nuke a 3rd world country.'

Diarrhea

19 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

A young person is sitting on a bench, looking at their phone. Below the image is text that asks "IS YOUR CHILD TEXTING ABOUT their diarrhea?" followed by a list of funny definitions for common texting abbreviations. For example, "brb = bathroom bonanza", "lol = lots of liquid", and "smh = so many hemorrhoids".

Story

60 views · Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image shows a green cartoon character with red eyes. Below the image is text of a story about a date gone wrong, ending with the line "That's my story of how I got cockblocked by motherfucking al qaeda."

Floor

17 views · Mafuyu Asahina · 2 years ago

Hmmm

A sign on a window says "CLOSE BECAUSE SOMEONE SHIT ON THE FLOOR" with a sad face drawn below it.

Sesame Street

10 views · R3Y · 2 years ago

The image shows Elmo, the red muppet character, on the left with a happy expression and his arms out. To the right of Elmo is a pile of red, worm-like objects. The text above says, "Elmo" and "just took shit".

Dog

64 views · R3Y · 2 years ago

help pls find my dawg

A flyer with the text "I lost my bitchass dog again. He's ugly as fuck and keeps running away but I still love him, plus I already bought him shit and I don't wanna return the stuff. Please bring him back, his name is Señor Woofers. He probably won't respond to it cus he's a fake lil bitch though. Please contact me at 661-440-5950 or booteyeater6969@gmail.com. Reward: $5ish maybe." Below the text is a picture of a small dog with a brown wig.

self-deprecation

28 views · Wade · 2 years ago

A four-panel comic strip. Panel 1 shows a priest in a church saying, "LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF" to a congregation, including a blonde woman. Panel 2 shows the blonde woman outside saying, "HELLO NEIGHBOR" to a man getting out of his car. Panel 3 shows the man responding, "YOU FUCKING MORON". Panel 4 shows the man continuing, "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF HUMAN SHIT". The text below indicates the source: "BY EXTRA FABULOUS COMICS FOR Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net."

Comment

1 view · Wade · 2 years ago

Lmao another example of Amy being a petty little bitch

A screenshot of comments on a video titled "CODM Gunslinger Part 1: Ultimate Terminator". One highlighted comment from amyrulesthepizzaaa says "ABSOLUTE ASS" with fire emojis. Another comment from VancityMerc319 says, "Dang that turned out really blurry, sorry guys, dunno what happened it was fine before..." The final comment from beckwild343 says "you have a hidden talent but PLEASE keep that shit hidden" with fire and 100 emojis.

Boyfriend

1 view · Chexers · 2 years ago

dont do that shit to ur gf, im tryna give u a warning

A man labeled "BF" is pouring gasoline from a red container onto a bonfire labeled "Angry GF" with the text bubble "Relax, babe." above him.

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