Infrared jokes

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

NASA found water on Mars.

Mars - 1

Africa - 0

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.