*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
How is being gay like a geology class? You get to lick all the rocks you want
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
How to make a baby make funny faces?
Put it feet first in a blender.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them XD
How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
