What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.
How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two but, now it's a sensitive subject.
How does a pengiun (how ever you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!!!! https://upjoke.com/penguin-jokes
Q: How do you cover a Chinese's eyes?
A: Use dental floss.
How many babies does it take to paint the walls red ?
Depends how hard u throw them
How do you break up blind people in a fight? Scream, "I put my money on the guy with the knife!"
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
How do you check that a rabbit is old?
You check how many gray hares it has.
How many times can you subtract ten from one thousand?
One; after that you're subtracting ten from 990.
3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."
Your forehead is so long, even Einstein didn’t know how to cross it.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
