Horoscope jokes

I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle except for Cancer.

Mooning is very astrological!

What zodiac sign has no hair?

Cancer.

All zodiac signs have a signature hairstyle except for cancer. :)

When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is,

You respond: "cancer."

Doctor says: "Well, what a coincidence!"

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

Some people put zodiacs on everything.

They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

What is the richest planet?

Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.

What do planets like to read? Comet books!

So I went to the doctor's and the doctor said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign."

So I said, "Aquarius."

And the doctor said, "Nah mate, you've got cancer."

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.