HI jokes
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a refrigerator at him.
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.
I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
A man (Ameenya Sheed) texts another man (Bob) and said,
"Hi, I'm Ameenya Sheed."
Bob: "You're not in my shed because I don't have one, but I have a garage. I don't think you're in there."
So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.
Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Q: Why did the teacher die?
A: Because he hated his life.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.