HI jokes

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.

Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Well just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!

A man dies of old age on his 25th birthday. How is this possible?

Answer: He was born on February 29.

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

  • 3

    • There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.

  • 2

    • What did they do with his body when he died?

    They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

    Hi guys, I feel forgotten lol. I feel like a banana peel... no one will talk to me. Oh, I got a good idea! We do a Google Meet!

    A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

    He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

    He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

    Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

    Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

    His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

    "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

    There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

    Hi Freshfry, hi Alex, I did not see your messages yesterday because I was at my brother's soccer game, and then people came to our house till 11:00. Lol, sorry :)

    Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

    A: He forgot to wrap his whopper.

    Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!