Why did the skeleton go to the movies by himself?
He had no body to go with.
Hes Jokes
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?
"Now sashimi, now you don't!"
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
I have a trans friend.
He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?
He didn’t, there was no lift...!
There was a man in a tower, and the other man thought it was a girl, so he said, "Let down your long hair." He said, "OK, I will let my big, super long, hairy penis down for you to climb and suck." Then the other man said, "If you have such a long dick, suck it yourself. See ya, b*tch."
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
