Hes jokes
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
I hate when people make jokes about the Twin Towers.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
My father died in 9/11. It's such a shame. He was a great pilot. 😔
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
He had nobody to go with.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because he looked like me.
Sans: Sure.
There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
I call my dad a motherfucker because he fucked my mom.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.