Hes jokes
Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.
Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.
Who did Stephen call when he crashed?... The geek squad.
For one of the most highly regarded minds on the planet, it is a shame he could not create a longer-lasting battery.
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.
He's not really dead, his update failed.
Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
He's dead now.
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He had a computer virus!
Q. Why is Stephen Hawking so good at air guitar?
A. Because he has excellent string theory.
A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."
Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.
What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.
What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.
The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.
Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Let me tell you a story.
There once was a bro who constantly choked on chodes.
He didn't want his bros to ever know that he constantly choked on chodes.
He lived in a dorm, and all day he watched porn, but still he would suck on some corn.
One day he would go to choke on some tasty chode, but his bros found out, gave him a shout, and kicked him out yelling that he broke the bro code.
Me, a Chinese woman, and her BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!”
Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".