Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Hes Jokes
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
A kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. He was still unhappy.
Why?
The kid had no legs.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?
Drugs.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.
Did you SEA what I did there?
GUY: Yes
Are you SHORE?
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did Frozone have a headache? He had brain freeze.
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
Why do people think Mozart was autistic?
Because he was probably retarded.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
