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Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

  • 4

    • Why is Santa’s sack so big?

    Because he only comes once a year.

    My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

  • 2

    • Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

    She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

  • 3

    • Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

  • 2

    • A mushroom walked into a pub.

    He asked the bartender to give him a beer.

    The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."

    The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"

  • 1

    • If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

    How did Steven Hawkings die?

    His wife tripped over his charging plug when he was at 2% battery.