Hes jokes
Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?
While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a bus.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his ass.
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
Kid starts shooting people in school, teacher asks “why are you doing that”. He responds, “I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas”
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"
Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.
It's also why he has no eyes.
A boy walks into the bedroom and sees mom and dad having sex. The boy says, "What are you doing?"
"Baking a cake."
The next day he walked up to his mom doing dishes.
"Remember when you were making a cake? I LICKED UP ALL THE FROSTING."
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Dracula was invited to a BBQ. He got stake.
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
Why didn't Steven Hawkins get into fights?
'Cause he couldn't stand up for himself.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.
He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.
The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.
The reason why Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.