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Hes jokes

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

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    • A horse, a fox, and a bunny join together and make a rock band. They started doing tiny gigs, but they got famous and went on tour. They all got so famous it went to their heads, and the band disbanded. The fox made his, and the bunny made her own. The horse was sad that the band was no more, so he went to a bar, and the bartender asked why the long face?

    The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.

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    • Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

    Son, he is dinner.

    Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?

    He won the No Bell Prize!

    A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

    He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

    He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

    Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

    Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

    A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.

    Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

    While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

    So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

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    • Why is Ronan's forehead the size of Jupiter? Because he dropped the TV on his forehead. It also had rings.

    Why is Jupiter's ring stuck in orbit? Because Ronan's forehead kept it stuck in orbit.

    Snails are like sperm, slow and sloppy.

    Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

    Because he didn't have the guts to do it.