Hes jokes
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider-Man?
Well, he weaved a really tangled web, and Aunt May saw it.
A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
What did the pimp order at the Chinese restaurant?
He ordered some cock-bang-ho.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I know he LCD'd them and all, but I have been tripping all day.
A Chinese boy never met his parents after they were killed in WW2, so when he learned where they were buried, he quickly rushed there.
He sat down in front of their graves and prayed, "I want to see your face again, mommy..." A miracle happened; his mother rose up from the graves and hugged him.
The boy cried then said, "I want to see you too, dad." He looked at his father's grave, but nothing happened.
Suddenly, a Japanese soldier came up behind him and asked, "Were you looking for me?"
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
He he he.
Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.
Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.