Hes jokes
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That’s a huge sack of balls."
He didn’t realize what was about to happen.
I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.
He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.
If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?
The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
He huffed and he puffed, but instead of blowing the house, he choked it down with his mom.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?
He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall.