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Hes

Hes jokes

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

Why did the toad cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."

So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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    • How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

    If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

    While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

    Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

    Because he’s dead.

    You idiot.

    I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

    Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

    But the vet charged me six quid.

    Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?

    A: You're the chairman of the board!

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

    Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

    At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

    The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

  • 0

    • Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

  • 3

    • Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

    Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.