Hes jokes

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he’s dead.

You idiot.

What did the fish say when he got to the dam?

"Dam water."

"Dam!"

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."

Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?

A: You're the chairman of the board!

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.

At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.

The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

Why was the Koala Bear so clever?

Because he had good koalifications!

MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

MAN 2) No.

MAN 1) Neither did he.

Stephen Hawking died because he rolled too far from the outlet.

I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He ran out of battery life.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won't separate the whites from the colors...