Hes jokes
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit?
Because he is a smelly cunt.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
What did the skeleton play when he joined the band?
A tromBONE.
Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.
It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?
He made her.
Stephen Hawking's not dead, he is just in airplane mode.