Hes jokes

This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.

The other day this duck came by the gas station. He asked the cashier, "Do you have any duck food here?"

The cashier said, "Hell naw, I got no damn duck food. This the gas station, not no damn swamp, and I ain't ya mama."

Then the duck asked him two more times, and then the cashier said, "For the last time, no, I don't have any duck food here for you, ok? If you ask me again, I will put you in the oven and deep-fry you like Kentucky Fried Chicken."

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.

How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.

"This dude right here don't look nothing like no damn Tyrese Gibson. He look like a hot, fishy tail termite all dressed in green makeup."

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

My dad died in 9/11.

But he was the pilot.

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

Little Johnny was playing with dick when his teacher walked in the room. She asked him what he was doing, he said Im doing my homework. The teacher saw how big his cock was and asked him to have sex with her. He willingly did so. Little johnny was already 25 so it didn't matter. The only thing was that he was homeschooled.

What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?

"Freak out!"

My friend is blind.

So he always says he cannot Nazi.

Why didn't Stephen Hawking ever eat chicken wings? Because he didn't exist.

Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?

Because he's British.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.

Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.

I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.

Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.