What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Hes Jokes
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What did Michael Jackson say when he became a triangle? Tetraheehee!
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."
Poor Uranus, he is so gassy.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Two friends wanting to find out if their buddy was gay.
The two walked up to their buddy and said, "Get down!" and he kneeled down.
Why is Santa so fat?
He only comes once a year.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!" SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?" HE: "I’m a butcher." SHE: "Perfect! I work with humans, I just kill them by cutting them up!"
HE: "So it's you in the newspaper?" SHE: "Yes, it was, wanna be next?" HE: "No!"
First Date: HE: "I work with animals every day!"
SHE: "Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"
HE: "I'm a butcher."
SHE: "We're through!"
Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because he wanted to. :) :) :)
Did you hear about the kidnapping? Yeah, he woke up.
Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.
