Hes jokes
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
What did Jamie do after the sucky sucky?
He gagged!
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.
Q: What happens to KID who NAPs near a stranger?
A: He gets KID-NAPPED (kidnapped).
What is an emo kid's favorite song?
"Chain Hang Low" because he hangs low off a chain tied to a tree.
Why couldn’t the principal call the orphan's parents?
Because he doesn’t have any.
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
I offered to share a meal with a homeless person once, but he said, "Piss off and buy your own!"
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...
What did the captain of the Titanic do before the Titanic sunk?
He nominated everyone for the ice bucket awards.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.
A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.
What did the bird do when he ate the expired worm?
He flew up!
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.