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When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

So, I met Michael Jackson before he died. He dragged me to his bed.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"

He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.

Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself," she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

What happens at the orphanage be like:

The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”

Hey, look, it's that "TRAINS gender" guy. He says, "I like trains." Uh oh!

What's the difference between my ass and the toddlers in my uncle's basement?

My ass doesn't cry when he sticks it in late at night.

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?

He has no home to hit to.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.

What does Sonic say when he's bored?

Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?