Hes jokes
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.
If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?
"No Way Home."
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
Why couldn't an orphan have an iPhone 6? He couldn't find the home button.
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Why did Michael Jackson go to the movies? He saw there was minor nudity.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Why did a school shooter get banned from a game server?
He was caught aimbotting.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
What's in a man's mouth when he realizes he's gay?
A dick.
A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."