Hes jokes
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, and I asked him, "Where are your parents?" Then he started crying harder.
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"