New Hes Jokes - Page 97 - Worst Jokes Ever

If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.

What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

Why did my brother cross the road?

Because he was looking for his brain.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.

You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Why is Hitler a hjhjfbfhf? Because he’s Hitler!

One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."