Hes jokes

Roses are red. Violets are blue, when a sumo saw you, he peed his pants.

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a dick; he has a microchip.

Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.

Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.

Why does Donald Trump love little boys?

Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.

If Jonny ate 29 out of 30 chocolate bars what would he have? Diabetus. Jonny would have diabetus.

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

He pimples?

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?