Hes jokes
What is Michael Jackson's chemical? The HE-HE-lium.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
What did the customer ask when he went to the cannibal restaurant?
"Who's the special today?"
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?
A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".
So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"
"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."
The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/
Guys, these jokes are not funny. My dad died, he was the best Arabic pilot ever.
Why did the bee go to the doctors?
Answer: Because he had hives.
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
I told a disabled kid to get in my van. Well, it’s been two years, and he still hasn’t gotten into the van.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.
Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...
So 6 is scared of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 10 have PTSD?
He was stuck in the middle of 9/11.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.