A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
Why did I by the orphan a iPhone 12 because he couldn’t get home
Why was Michael Jackson so loved? He touched so many children in so many special ways.
I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."
Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,
"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."
And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."
Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"
James replied, "He's as old as me."
Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."
James then said, "He became my father when I was born."
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 murdered 37 children and 41 adults during the ages of 31-35 years old.
She was then sentenced to a 35 year sentence (Colombian stuff) and came out 70 years old. She then continued to go on a spree and murder 41 more people, in 2 months. 3 years later, 6 stabbed 7 as they were friends. 6 was not sentenced, but deemed a hero. He never forgets that moment. Her soul not floating above, but screaming from the torture it's receiving.
Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?
Cause he’s dead.
I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.
They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!
You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
Why did Hitler's cookies taste bad? He forgot to clean out the oven.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Jeff crosses the US border.
The second he crosses into the USA, a guy comes up with a gun.
Jeff: "That's what I was expecting."
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
