I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
My enemy likes to act like he’s stupid sometimes, and so once he asked me what a sin was, and I responded with, “you.”
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. there names were johony and papa All of the sudden,johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
Why does Struan smell so awful? Because he is friends with Jerp.
I met a homeless guy named Rich.
He wasn't.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
the orphan tried to play baseball but he couldn't get home cause home doesn't exist for him
When you ask your brother where his hairline is, and he points where it's supposed to be, and you say, "I don't see one there."
What happens when a fog park illegally. He gets toad
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
What does Biden do? He does you.
What does do something useful unlike you?
I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.
I once told an orphan to go big or go home. He replied, "I can't get home; it got bombed."
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Steven Hawking was so excited for Christmas till he realized he got socks.
What's the difference between me and a rapist?
He forced her, while I convinced her with a candy.
She was just 7 years old.
