New Herring Jokes - Page 107 - Worst Jokes Ever

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.

Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.

Why did Little Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus.

Two Asians walked into a strip club and they went to a cashier. They put in their names: her name was He Gay and his name was Shi A Ho.

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?

'Cause she can't watch her mouth.

Yo momma so ugly, her blood type is puss.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?: She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.

Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff; they found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.

One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.

But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇