Git jokes

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.

My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.

Git is going to let Bill Cosby out of jail. Oh wait, he watched Little Bill.

Why did Sellwood get named?

It is made of wood that got sold.

You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."

An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"

The tree ghosted her.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.