My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What's black and found on top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
I once masturbated in the bathroom.
I was looking for something, for a little help.
Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.
I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!
I got banana nut bread for you.
Oh no, the nuts are missing!
Oh, I found them!
You know where they are?
UP YOUR BUTTHOLE!
Yo mama so fat she found the barrier to outer space
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
My little sister that is 10 is so ugly her hairline cant even be found by dora the explora
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called ‘em “Duplocates.”
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself and his friend says "Find God he'll help you!" and than the man said “There’s only one way to get to God and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?”
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
(i found dis from a website) jack & jill went up the hill so jack could lick her candy...but jack got a shock and a mouth full of c0ck cuz jills real name was randy
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
